Note: this spurious parody website is under construction and likely to stay that way as long as the Border Wall is.

"Because the Lawless Don't Belong Here."

BorderSafaris - BS Since Time Immemorial

(Click on images to see 4x larger version - hit Back button to return)

Safaris available in:

California - Arizona - New Mexico - Texas

Like any Safari, our experience may include encounters with targets that are not only unpredictable and do not cooperate, but may actually fight back. Please inquire about our available insurance waivers.

Day Trips, Weekend & Weekly Packages Available!

All of our wonderful, entertaining packages feature:

Guides familiar with the terrain and local vermin habits!

• Each ranch has its own variable seasonal hours of operation - be prepared to be flexible!
• Vehicles provided - please ask in advance for special needs assisted no-hiking access!

Two hours per day of range instruction (as needed) and practice with the weapon of your choice!

• We can provide ammo and we even have RELOADING facilities if you want to perfect your load!
• Our expert spotters are also our guides - be confident of their advice on the range and in the field!

Bring your .30 to .50 caliber, or rent one of ours!

• We're not interested in survivors or Swiss conventions.
• .223 or metric are for pussies! SP, HP or AP ammo preferred over FMJ please.
• NO TRACER AMMO. EVER. Sorry, too great a fire hazard most of the year.

Unlimited kills!*

• Thats right, you heard it! NO bag limits!
• Our experienced guides will help mop up groups if you ask us!
• *(seasonal - actual number depends upon availability)

Free trophy photo shoot!

• PROVE your patriotism and body count!
• Perfect for that bare spot on your office trophy wall.
• We have skilled taxidermists experienced in both head and full-body mounts - available at reasonable rates.
  
• Safari videos available too! Inquire at time of reservation!

Free disposal of carcasses!

• Our off-grid power plants use entirely organic biomass fuels!
• Kill site cleanup included in all packages, of course.
  
• We will process and package as pet food for a small fee.
• If you hit them, we guarantee no one will miss them!

No-Kill Option! We practice catch-and-release sometimes too!

• Captures? Launch them back over the border with our giant trebuchet!
• We aim them at water for a fair chance!
• See if you can break our records for height and distance!
• Because of extra costs of transport, etc. additional fees may vary.
  

Be a Hero! Or Take Out a Zero!

• As with any wartime kill, you get to pillage the kills you make.
• Turn in any contraband you find for free press coverage!
• Or, take it home to plant as "evidence" against your enemies!

BONUS! Any political protesters on our property are considered fair game!

• There is never any extra fee for taking out a protester that strays onto BorderSafaris property.
• To avoid bad press, please be sure our BS jamming system is in operation when you shoot!
• In order to be fair to all guests, large groups (4 or more) will be treated as an organized hunt.
• You will be informed of our LEGAL borders when you arrive since apparent borders may not coincide.

Living Large? Go Deluxe!

"Midnight Special" night-vision hunt with deluxe packages!

Drone assistance for target acquisition and kill confirmation!

Trip video included at no extra cost!

Franchises Available!

Do you own a ranch at or near the border? Would you like to depend on more income from visitors who HELP you clean up and keep your property safe? Are you a patriot who would like to help even more than you do now?

Please contact us - we are always on the lookout for new areas, and we always create win-win relationships.

Copyright © 2018 BorderSafaris.com